Dr. Ali Behzadnia :: دکتر علی بهزادنیا

The animal aspect of male and female relationship is part of the nature, a need, for the growth, development and continuation of our generation, similar to the reproduction in other animals. But the process of mate finding and practice of sex in human is quite different. While simple nearness and smelling of ones body, allow most animals to practice sex with whoever and wherever, for the civilized human community, there is established certain codes and processes, to satisfy the same needs. These codes, being abstracted from the divine or man- made laws, for the preservation of family institution, are quite selective and goal oriented. They are to respect the dignity of parents and their products. Marriage is a lifetime effort to maintain the purpose, for which it was established, to secure physical and mental health of the individual, family and community at large and to fulfill the individual and social responsibilities toward human mission.

(It is a shame for humanity that this is largely fading among most of today’s civilized nations)

For us as Muslims, this process is not complex or complicated if the purpose and prescription are followed by our creator, who knows the best. See the Qura’n: chapter 30, verse 21,
“ And among His signs (Proof of the Creator), is that, He created your mates from your own spirit (The same source and matter) and installed in both “Mavaddat” (Libido or the seed of love) and “Rahmat” (Origin of passion or mercy), to find “Sakinah” (Inner peace and tranquility) in each other.
See how simple, complete and comprehensive is this prescription.
None of the variable and perishable items such as, race, color, age, physical appearance, social class, wealth, is prioritized or mentioned in this formula. I said prioritized and not specified, because like any other prescription the dosage of medication and it’s application may vary due to the certain situation.
Love is a creative and dynamic phenomenon, based on understanding, respect and dual effort, needs time and patience to build and constantly care for it to be saved. It is a living being, by itself, in our being, that needs a different nutrition with the main ingredient Being, patience, perseverance and passion. Wherein two “I”s are going to make one “we” and, Insha Allah, reform to “us”.

Every marriage is a mismatch case. The worse was that of our fore parents Adam and Eve. There was no choice then and the case is still open and lasts forever. Since in any marital relationship, one may have reached close to his or her ideals, but it is not usually the same for both. So we start with major differences, anatomically, physiologically, mentally and culturally, any new relationship is a remodeling and not a new building. Therefore there is no need to destroy all that is there and no need for compromises, but to value and select or possibly reform what is usable. I also have learned, from personal experience, no matter how selective we may be in our selection, there is a role of “Share” or “Qismat” for every case.

Finally I am in full agreement with the results of those social studies, family psychologists and counselors’ opinion, that if we have to summarize the expectation of the men from their spouses in a marital relationship, in one word, it would be “Respect” and for the women it is said to be “Love”.

It is unfortunate that mostly the transient physical pleasures of having sex, is considered to be “Making Love”, and that is not true.

Allah knows the best,
AAB.